Dancing is silent poetry. I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better. Books are the shoes with which we tread the footsteps of great minds. I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves. It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity. Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand and melting like a snowflake. Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever. Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done, and why. Then do it. I'll moider da bum. Always listen to experts. They'll tell you what can't be done, and why. Then do it. Yesterday is a dream, tomorrow but a vision. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope. Look well, therefore to this day. You can widen your life by yourself, but to deepen it you need a friend. When you're in love you never really know whether your elation comes from the qualities of the one you love, or if it attributes them to her; whether the light which surrounds her like a halo comes from you, from her, or from the meeting of your sparks. A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a shp, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects. The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true. Yesterday is a dream, tomorrow but a vision. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope. Look well, therefore to this day. Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it Dancing is silent poetry. Too often we give our children answers to remember rather than problems to solve. When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven! It's not that chocolates are a substitute for love. Love is a substitute for chocolate. Chocolate is, let's face it, far more reliable than a man. If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me. Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. Very little is needed to make a happy life. It is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. No dictator, no invader, can hold an imprisoned population by force of arms forever. There is no greater power in the universe than the need for freedom. Against that power, governments and tyrants and armies cannot stand. Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. The nice thing about being a celebrity is that if you bore people they think it's their fault. A kiss makes the heart young again and wipes out the years. When solving problems, dig at the roots instead of just hacking at the leaves. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines. If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough. Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street. Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. Who so loves believes the impossible. I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means. You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it. Autumn is the time when seasons merge because of bare necessity. Hatch a dream and then believe it. Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so. It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity. Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe. Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin. A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea. Facts are the enemy of truth. The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands in times of challenge and controversy. Books are the shoes with which we tread the footsteps of great minds. Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law. Everything in excess! To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks. We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time. It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid. Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure -- hooking up with fat, hairy girls. A kiss makes the heart young again and wipes out the years. Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler. Everything has been figured out, except how to live. Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death. God, please save me from your followers! While we are postponing, life speeds by. The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth. The best proof of love is trust. I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon. Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems. Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult. A narcissist is someone better looking than you are. Luck is the residue of design. I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right. The game of life is not so much in holding a good hand as playing a poor hand well. Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action. What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so. Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.