Andrew and I started spending all our time together. Our relationship got
very close very fast. Time apart, when neither of us were working, was
impossible. I would miss him in a fearful way and when I saw him I felt as if
I'd never feared anything.
Most of my relationships up to that point were used to fill up empty space and
after a short while they became empty as well. Four years before, when I was
twenty, I had met a guy named Carl who was short and unemployed. For the first
two months we stayed in bed. Eventually the money ran out and I had to support
us with a waitressing job. He kept living off of me and eventually seemed
ungrateful so I got angry and kicked him out. We lasted eight months but I would
always remember the first two. Andrew seemed promising in a long term way.
But I felt guilty about lying to Andrew about my work. I told him I had gotten a
temp job. It looked too suspicious for me to be leaving for work at a different
time everyday. Some days I would have to be on the set at two o'clock, the next
four in the afternoon, the next eleven in the morning. I told him that I had to
leave for a temp job at ten o'clock everyday. This meant I had to leave some
days when I didn't want to. But I had to leave by ten because I didn't want to
screw up a good thing with suspicion. In a way, I was leaving for a job. My job
was my cover up, my system for seeming like a healthy and natural person.
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